Therapy isn’t just about you

I deeply appreciated an article in the WaPo the other day about therapy speak, therapists as “friends” and similar topics. Head there to read the article, Why I fired my therapists, and then come back and read the rest of my opinion on this opinion piece.

First, as a therapist, it irks me to hear “therapy speak” used incorrectly. It hurts me to hear it weaponized. It concerns me to think that those who are using it incorrectly or meanly aren’t receiving the care or the education they need from therapy.

Second, with the increase in access to therapy, and the never-ending push toward destigmatization of therapy, there is a risk of the experience becoming diminished or trite.

I will be the first to tell people that the field of psychology has done very little to educate the public in healthy ways about what happens in therapy. For too long, therapists have allowed the veil of mystery around practice to cloud the benefits, adding to stigma instead of eliminating it, and doing little to promote the process in ways people could truly understand. And it has led to the current state of things, where the therapized can use therapy as a badge or symbol of being “better” than others.

This is not therapy.

Therapy IS a place to learn about yourself and your patterns. It is time set aside to learn the process of self-reflection and how powerful that can be to the process of change. Both processes are equally important. And they are important because they enhance relationships. Therapy IS about learning to be knowledgeable, respectful, vulnerable and trusting with one other person (your therapist) in the hopes that you can generalize that to the world outside the therapy room. With the goal of being a better person WITH others and FOR others, NOT over others. Therapy IS about discovering your place in community so that you may add to that community, not climb over it to get to somewhere else…or, if your current community is harmful to you, finding a different one where you can add value.

So, you see, therapy is not only about you. Good therapy is about you AND your loved ones AND your community AND your place in the greater world. If you’re not working in therapy toward being better for others, you may want to fire your therapist, just as the author of the article did. You may want to focus on something a little greater than yourself. I promise that your life will be BETTER for it.