Say Yes…but also say No

I will admit it, I’m a person who says “Yes!” a lot. I can’t seem to see an opportunity and not want to pursue it. This has led me to some incredible adventures in my life, but also to confusion, frustration, and stress.

I’ve said yes to

• living and working overseas, far away from friends and family

• moving …LOTS of moving, and this included buying/selling homes

• the “right” man - twice;)

• fostering dogs and cats

• being my own boss

• a mid-career transition

• good investments…or what seemed good at the time

But the thing I didn’t realize when I was saying all these yes’es - at least, at first - was that I was choosing paths that essentially cut off other ones. By saying yes to living and working overseas, I was saying no to cultivating deep relationships with my family back home, at least for a time. By saying yes to moving, I said no to saving money for about 6 months after the move. By saying yes to fostering animals in need, I was saying no to giving my full love and attention to the pets already in my family.

Being mindful of when we say yes means we take into account the no on the other side of that commitment. Being mindful allows us to choose the yes’es carefully, acknowledging the loss that comes with the choice. It also means we cozy up to the fact that we cannot do/have/enjoy it ALL. We have to make choices, and those choices cut off other opportunities that we may have enjoyed or found fulfilling or joyful. These are natural consequences of choosing.

Acknowledging this may come with some disappointment or sadness, even when we are excited about the opportunity we said yes to. But the acknowledge of the two sides of this coin is the essential task of mindfulness. When we can see the whole, we can choose the part we want and know we have chosen with care.